One F in Foley: The Home Alone theory - Kevin is the bad guy ... kinda

Maybe it’s nothing more than a wild notion to me, but has anyone ever noticed how gruesome and dark a movie like Home Alone really is?? It’s basically a graphic horror show wrapped up with a few Christmas jingles and a bit of ‘Yikes’ in the dialogue to make it a bit more fun, but don’t be fooled, folks. Let’s take a deeper look, shall we?

The wacky adventures of Kevin McCallister as he defends his family home against those pesky ‘Wet Bandits’, Harry and Marv, has become something of a cult-class since its release 30 years ago. Here’s my theory on it though, and yup I’m gonna say it … my belief is that it is Kevin who is the bad guy.

Wicked Temper
Think about it. The little spoiled brat throws hissyfits to beat the band, he attacks his brother while he is choking and, worst of all, he wishes that his entire family “would all just disappear!” And when he wakes up and believes that they have indeed vanished, he celebrates and rejoices with laps of the hallways and by jumping on the bed.

He also seems to possess a somewhat unusual fascination with ‘Old Man Marley’ from across the street. The bearded and withered old man who salts the streets every night and is widely rumoured to have been a serial killer who had become known as the South Bend Shovel Slayer. A possible hero to an impressionable Kevin maybe? Hmmm.

As the plot thickens, we see that he joyously intimidates a pizza delivery boy so as to avoid paying him full-price for his meal (“Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here!”) and, while he might’ve not intended this one, he does run from a pharmacy carrying a toothbrush that he hadn’t paid for.

Worst of all, though, was his utter ruthlessness in defending his home against the aforementioned duo of burglars. Through astute Machiavellian planning, he inflicts a most unbelievable amount of punishment on the two boys. Nails through the foot, irons to the face and - did ya ever hear the likes of it? - a blowtorch to the head!

I mean poor aul Harry and Marv! Truth be told, I would even go as far to suggest they are the good guys of this story. Fair enough, they’re a bit rough around the edges, but do they not ultimately show Kevin the error of his ways and how lucky he is to have a home and a family that not everyone else is lucky enough to have.

Those lads are Christmas Spirits if you ask me.

Harry and Marv
Society has done them a raw deal and they were only looking to grab a stash of jewellery and maybe a video recorder but the twisted actions of this little jerk spiralled them into becoming (almost) homicidal maniacs by the end.

And how do we know that the spoiled wee skitter felt no guilt for his actions? And that he even enjoyed doing what he did.

Just listen to the line “Do you guys give up, or are you thirsty for more?” A line he delivers with a wry smile and a cocked eyebrow. This is one sick young fella.

No wonder people speculate that Kevin grew up to become Jigsaw from the Saw films.

Don’t Be Fooled
Even after that, when this young hoodlum-yes, I said ‘hoodlum’ - ends up in New York City, he commits credit card fraud against his own father, he performs an act of voyeurism by recording his Uncle Frank singing in the shower and because he’s staying at the Plaza, he’s joyously funding the tyrannical Donald Trump regime.

Don’t be fooled this Christmas people! Kevin McCallister is one wee cheeky and twisted skitter! And it’s not just him. It’s in his blood. HIs uncle can’t even get on a plane without stealing cutlery, his older brother Buzz is proud of being a bully and why does his father act so shifty when he gets visited by ‘a cop’ in the opening scenes?

They’re up to something, that lot; especially the young fella!