It Occurs To Me: Gunfight at the McCool Corral

 In a week when the great Dublin goalkeeper, Paddy Cullen died, I recalled the wonderful journalist Con Houlihan who, having witnessed Mikey Sheehy’s legendary goal against Paddy in the 1978 All-Ireland Final between Kerry and Dublin, wrote: “Paddy put on a show of righteous indignation that would get him a card from Equity, throwing his hands to heaven as the referee kept pointing towards goal. And while all that was going on, Mikey Sheehy was running up to take the kick-and suddenly Paddy dashed back towards his goal like a woman who smells a cake burning.”

A few minutes after the introduction of Messiah Murphy in Ballybofey, I was reminded of a great story (too long to tell here) that I heard from a loyal Dublin supporter some fifty years ago, which began with: “You don’t bleedin’ mess with the Lone Ranger”. Aidan Forker learned that in a hurry! 

‘You don’t bleedin’ mess with the Lone Ranger’

I was further reminded of a red card incident which took place in a wee village in Donegal some sixty years ago. A notorious character had occasion to cause mayhem on his infrequent visits to a local hostelry, and when he had sufficient drink taken, fancied himself as a kind of Ike Clanton lording over Tombstone in the 1880s. One evening, after he had dispatched a fellow customer, a table and chair through the front window, he stood on the pub steps with his fists clenched, roaring: “I’ll take on any man in da tree parishes…da tree parishes!.”

The proprietor sent for the local sheriff - who knew the protagonist well - and when he approached the buck, your man roared again: “I’ll take on any man in da tree parishes…da tree parishes!”, and swung a haymaker at the guard. 

Garda Earp, who had been a handy boxer in his time, not only avoided the blow, but landed a ‘falooder’ of an uppercut on your man’s jaw. As Ike Clanton fell in a heap, Wyatt hissed: “I’m from neither of the three!”

If the late Paddy Cullen thought a cake was burning, poor Aidan Forker must have felt like a crab apple among the sweet Bramleys of his Orchard County, as Michael Murphy swatted him aside like an annoying fly dive bombing his morning marmalade in Glenswilly. 

                                             The Omagh Inquiry

There are a few interviews I remember vividly over the past few years, and watching the Omagh Inquiry these past few weeks has reminded me of one in particular.

 I was joined in the Radio Foyle studios in March 1999 by Garry McGillion, husband of Donna Marie… and listening to them both in the Strule Arts Centre 26 years later has brought it all back. 

At the time, Donna was only given only a 20% chance of survival and was administered the last rites four times in the Royal Victoria Hospital following the explosion. She told the inquiry how her family only recognised her by her engagement ring. She suffered 65% burns to her face and body and Garry had 35% burns to his body and the back of his head. They had been planning their soon to be wedding and were looking for shoes for his niece, Breda, who was to be a flower girl. She died in the explosion. Donna Marie was placed in a coma for six weeks, and as she told the Inquiry: “The trauma from my time in ICU and the burns unit will always haunt me. At times I still feel like I’m back on the ventilators which kept me alive and forced my lungs to breathe in and out. I was in extreme pain. It is very hard to explain, like getting burnt by an iron all over your body and multiplying it 200 times over. I couldn’t move or lift my hand, I couldn’t even move my face because of the pain. I guess my eyes had to tell others how I was feeling. I suffered 65% third degree burns to my face, upper body front and back, both arms, hands and lower leg.

“I suffered a large laceration to my forehead and shrapnel wounds. I also sustained lung damage and damage to my ear drum.m After being discharged from hospital, for around three years after I had to wear a plastic mask on my face.

“I had so many different surgeries over the last 26 years that I have lost count.” She still lives with daily pain and has had to become used to people staring at her: “Sometimes I wish people would just ask, rather than stare. I don’t mind saying this is what happened. I would rather they ask rather than stare and wonder.”

She and Garry were eventually married in March of 1999, and it was just prior to that, I interviewed him. He told me: “I was lying in hospital, us only a corridor away from each other, for six weeks not knowing if she would make it. When I heard that she had awakened from the coma it was as if somebody had come in and given me £1m.”

At the time of the interview, all of the couple's energy was going into their wedding plans. 

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“The nerves are starting to come in now in the last few weeks. I didn't think we would get this far. It is going to be a day tinged with a bit of sadness but hopefully it will bring a bit of happiness to Omagh instead of all the sadness. Donna Marie is still receiving treatment for her injuries. Her bandages are changed every other day and she goes for physiotherapy three times a week and occupational therapy twice a week.” 

Years later, I interviewed Donna Marie too and there are no words adequate enough to describe their extraordinary bravery and determination. When I was asked to visit the Omagh Trauma Centre on a  few subsequent occasions, I met more remarkable survivors and tellingly, when I got my coffee in the mornings, I became friendly with the young waitress who, when she turned her head, exposed the side of her face which had been horribly burned in the bomb. The walking wounded are still suffering. 

                            Brats, corner boys and guttersnipes

I want to thank Paul Cunningham of RTÉ for this hilarious take on the ‘Insint Bréaga’ shenanigans in the Dáil. Paul has ‘In Through’ and Frosses blood coursing through his veins. His father was Con Cunningham from Teelin and his mother Mary Coughlan from Frosses. He’d be a first cousin of the former minister and current Donegal GAA chairperson. You’ll all know by now that Verona Murphy asked Taoiseach Micheál Martin to “review” remarks he made in the Dáil in which he allegedly accused Mary Lou McDonald of telling lies. It took Verona a wee while to sort it out, as she is devoid of a cúpla focal, and as it turns out, the ‘alleged’ remarks were spot on…Micheál did say “Tá an Teachta Dála ag insint bréaga arís”...“The TD is telling lies again”. Initially, the Ceann Comhairle said she could not rule on what she didn’t hear, which means that as well as learning Irish, she might do with a hearing aid. She said: “In the heat of the debate in the Dáil chamber, it may sometimes be necessary to review remarks after the event when the transcript is available. As I stated in the chamber, I did not hear the remarks myself.” Paul Cunningham has pointed out that it's out of order to claim another member is guilty of “murder or condoning or conniving at murder; blackmail; corruption, corrupt practices; and perjury”.

Also ruled out are “accusations of physical or moral cowardice; graft, embezzlement or malversation (corrupt behaviour in a position of trust) and defalcation (misappropriating by a person in charge) of public funds; robbery; seditious libel; and claims of interfering in the distribution of land while a Minister of State at the Department of Agriculture”. (No other department is mentioned here). A member can't say of another member that they're “dishonest; a black-marketeer; or a smuggler”.

A member can't accuse another of being “a rogue; scoundrel; protector of thieves and rogues; or trying to put his hand in the public purse”.

The Standing Orders definitively rule out a member accusing another of being “a liar, lying or telling a lie; telling untruths or not telling the truth; deliberately misstating what was said”.

Section 428 of the Standing Orders protects members from being subject to “... insulting and abusive expressions”. These include “brat, acting the brat; buffoon, buffoonery; chancer; communist; corner boy (or girl?), corner boy tactics; coward; fascist, fascist minister; gurrier; guttersnipe; hypocrite, bloody hypocrites, hypocrisy”.

Other banned insults include “rat; scumbag; scurrilous, scurrilous speaker; and yahoo”.

Mmmm? Defalcation sounds painful.

                                 Rory’s valentine

It’s probably the sunshine which has him in a permanently good mood, but I loved  Kilcar musician Rory Gallagher’s Valentine Card to his beloved, which read:

“Roses are red 

You’re a fine doll 

Jimmy’s winning matches 

Up Donegal!”