It Occurs To Me: Stepping out in Kilmacrennan!

After my review of Mourning Has Broken by Omagh grief counsellor Don McGurgan, I had quite a few queries from interested readers. Don and I often share stories, and after a lifetime working for NIE, particularly with Wayleave, he has some hilarious yarns. The bottom line is that you are entitled to a ‘wayleave’ payment from NIE when at least one other party takes their electricity supply from the equipment on your land. 

Once, he visited a farmer in south Tyrone to negotiate the possibility of getting an electricity pole on his land, but your man literally hunted him from the steps. 

The next door neighbour was more conciliatory, and advised Don to return next door the following day and deal with “the brother”, who was a more conciliatory being. 

Don took his advice and, lo and behold, “the brother” came to an arrangement and apologised for his sibling’s contrariness. Don went next door to thank the neighbour, and in the course of their chat, he remarked how unlike the brothers were in their personalities, and indeed didn’t even look alike. “Naw!” responded the Tyrone farmer, “different herd numbers, sir!”.

On another occasion, he was looking for an address in the Trillick area, and eventually came to a farmhouse with an Aston Martin parked outside! Don was fascinated by the James Bond car in rural Tyrone and having looked in awe, knocked on the door. It was opened by someone who looked very familiar, and asked in an English accent, “Can I help you?” 

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Don explained where he was from and that he was looking for Mr Murphy, and was informed that the house owner would be back later. As Don returned to his own vehicle, he suddenly realised that he had been talking to Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees, whose wife was Dwina Murphy from Kilskeery, near Trillick!

My contribution to the celeb stories was a great yarn told to me over two decades ago by the late Victor Stewart, originally from Milford, but a resident of Culmore Point in Derry, a neighbour and friend. His daughter Christine was married to legendary BBC presenter Gerry Anderson, and we’d all meet for a dram in The Magnet Bar in Culmore on occasions. 

After the second world war, Victor had a shop in Kilmacrennan, and as rationing was at its height, he admitted that smuggling ensured he could sell just about anything that a discerning customer required. One of these was Henry McIlhenny, who owned Glenveagh Castle, and who had regular VIP shindigs, which required all varieties of alcohol and provisions, particularly meat. 

One day, Henry called into Victor with a typically long list, and introduced him to a very good looking dark haired young man with an American accent. He explained that his friend was providing the entertainment but that his suitcase had not been located in Dublin Airport, and was feared to now be in Germany. His most urgent requirement was a pair of good shoes as he was a piano player, and the bould Victor was able to produce a pair of prestigious Barker shoes, which fitted the man and cost a pretty penny. 

Some weeks later McIlhenny came to pay Victor his bill, and in the closure of their conversation the latter asked Henry how the shoes had gone down with his piano-playing friend. “Great” responded the Glenveagh owner, “he took the house down...we have great hopes for him back in the States!” “Oh” says Victor, “what’s his name?” “Liberace!”, McIlhenny replied. 

                               Enoch, Enoch, who’s there?                                                              

I don’t know if impressionist Conor Moore and entertainer Rory Gallagher have ever met, but they are certainly kindred spirits when it comes to quick reactions to events. 

Conor’s wife is Fiona MacDonald from Carndonagh and he told me that when they got married, the legendary Jack Nicklaus sent a congratulatory message. 

Frank Galligan with impressionist Conor Moore

Conor began his career a few years ago when he started doing impressions of famous golfers, and they loved it! After Micheál Martin’s visit to the White House, Conor did a hilarious take on the meeting with Trump, with Gerry Hutch thrown in for good measure! 

Now Rory Gallgher has written a very funny song about the Burke family’s  mad foray into Washington, and he’s based it on Dave Edmond’s 1970 hit I Hear You Knockin. Rory’s song alludes to the fact that Enoch likes Adam and Eve, but not Adam and Steve, and his chorus ends with, “Don’t let Enoch in!”          

                                   ‘Boxer’ on the ropes  

With the OPW being in the headlines for the wrong reason in the past year, the Government decided in their wisdom to appoint a ‘pugilist’ to protect their corner. 

Step out, Minister of State Kevin ‘Boxer’ Moran who holds responsibility for the Office of Public Works (OPW) within the Department of Public Expenditure. Anyway, ‘Boxer’ took off the gloves recently in the Dáil when  responding to an opposition motion on “Government waste and oversight in public expenditure” brought by the Independent Ireland party. 

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The motion raised more than a dozen “ongoing failures” in Government-funded projects such as the €1.4 million security hut and €336,000 bike shelter – both overseen by the OPW. Boxer was having none of it. “Nothing could be further from the truth. There are a wide range of frameworks that public bodies must follow to ensure value for money and accountability at the highest level.” He lambasted the opposition for describing the structure as a “bike shed”, instead calling on them to “get it right” by describing it as a “bike shelter” at a listed building that was “cherished by people all over the world”.

Independent Ireland also highlighted €725 million allocated to RTÉ in the wake of its financial scandal, €230,000 spent to modify a room in Leinster House for an €800,000 printer which was found to be too big, and the ballooning overrun in the National Children’s Hospital which is now expected to cost €2.5 billion.

In addition, more recently uncovered controversies are given as examples, including the Arts Council spending €6.67 million on a failed IT project, and €120,000 spent on a scanner at the National Gallery despite no suitable lead-lined room being identified. Obviously, the OPW does not have responsibility for all of the aforementioned, but as for poor ‘Boxer’...I think it’s about time someone threw in the towel for him! 

                              When America was an ally

God be with the days, when the US stood by Europe, not only as the Allies saviour against the Nazis, but in post-war Germany. 

Russia’s Joe Stalin was determined that Germany remain weak and unthreatening, serving as a buffer between the Soviet Union and the West. He did not want to see the Allies help Germany rebuild its economy, nor did he want the US supplying goods to Germany in what would be a sure sign to the communists that America’s capitalist economy was flourishing. 

So, on June 24 1948, the Soviets cut off all land access to West Berlin — which was located far within Soviet-controlled East Germany — in what became known as the Berlin Blockade. Allied planners calculated that in order to keep the more than 2 million inhabitants of West Berlin alive, the city required a minimum of 4,500 tons of supplies daily, including 1,534 tons of food and 3,475 tons of coal for electricity and heating. 

For 18 months, American and British aircrews flew around-the-clock to supply West Berlin. They established a continuous stream of aircraft that landed in three-minute slots, 24 hours a day, in all but the very worst weather conditions. At the height of the Berlin Airlift, planes were landing at the city’s Tempelhof Airport as often as every 30 seconds. This was achieved despite the distraction techniques employed by the Soviets, who flew fighter planes in the area to intimidate the Allied pilots and used spotlights to hinder the approaching planes.

On May 12, 1949, knowing that the blockade had failed, the Soviets reopened the roads, canals, and railway routes into the western half of Berlin. The Allies, however, continued the airlift until September to stockpile supplies in Berlin just in case the blockade was reinstated. Over the entire course of the blockade, 277,804 Allied flights carried an astonishing 2.3 million tons of supplies by air into Berlin. The Berlin Airlift was a resounding success, keeping Berlin alive in what was — and remains — one of the largest humanitarian aid missions in history.

A salutary lesson to those currently in the White House who bend to tyranny and dictatorship.

                                          Pity the nation

Pity the nation whose people are sheep,

and whose shepherds mislead them.

Pity the nation whose leaders are liars, whose sages are silenced,

and whose bigots haunt the airwaves.

Pity the nation that raises not its voice,

except to praise conquerors and acclaim the bully as hero

and aims to rule the world with force and by torture.

Pity the nation that knows no other language but its own

and no other culture but its own.

Pity the nation whose breath is money

and sleeps the sleep of the too well fed.

Pity the nation — oh, pity the people who allow their rights to erode

and their freedoms to be washed away.

My country, tears of thee, sweet land of liberty.

(Lawrence Ferlinghetti - 2007)