It's Good To Talk: Thinking about counselling but keep putting it off?

Are you thinking about counselling but keep putting it off?

There are many reasons why someone might avoid seeking counselling. Like most things in life, it’s not black and white or straightforward.

We, as humans, are complicated and there might be reasons why you don’t want to engage in counselling, however, it might be more helpful to explore  those reasons rather than close the door fully on the idea.

Let’s look at some of the more common reasons that keep people from getting professional help that they might want or need. 

Fear of Judgement 

We are a nation that wonders what people will think? We give far too much consideration to what people will think! There is a good chance that many people you know are actually in counselling themselves.

They are getting the help so why shouldn’t you! Don’t hold yourself back based on other people’s thoughts. We challenge thoughts in counselling because not all our thoughts are true. You have one life so you need help put yourself first rather than the perceived opinions of others.

If you are feeling that going to counselling is a sign of weakness, it’s actually the opposite.

It takes great strength to reach out. It’s not about – “not being able to deal with your own problems”, it’s about valuing your life enough to want it to be different… better! I always tell clients that they are the experts on their own life with counsellors just aiding them in looking at how they would like it to be different. 

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We might imagine the client's life like being a jigsaw on the table, upside down or pieces missing. The role of the counsellor is to help them make sense of their world, turning pieces over and seeing what the client can do to put them together to get an image of their life that is closer to what they want. Counsellors are just there to guide you based on their knowledge of the pieces you choose to present.

A collaboration between the client and the counsellor gets the best outcome

They ask questions and help you explore thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviours. They are your support and listening ear. They will offer you empathy and a space where you can explore yourself without fear of judgement or rejection. Often clients might be nervous about couselling because of fear of judgment from their counsellor.

They might have things in their life that they need to talk about and wonder what the reaction of the counsellor might be. Firstly, most counsellors choose that career to help and during the rigorous training that many go through all sorts of things are explored individually, in peer work and group settings to ensure the counsellor works ethically with the client, without any biases.

This includes treating clients fairly, with respect and also ensuring respect of client’s autonomy. It’s not the counsellor’s business to judge. Hearing and receiving information is part of the work.

If fear of judgement is a barrier to counselling for you it’s advisable to talk to the counsellor either before you start or during your counselling. They will hear your concerns and provide reassurance on their ethical responsibilities and work with you on your fears and worries. We all need reassurance at times! 

Access

Access for people might be difficult especially if you don’t or can’t travel or you would prefer a counsellor outside your area. Please keep in mind there are many counselling directories online which offer details of accredited counsellors all over the county and country. Simply google IACP (Irish association for counseling and psychotherapy) or BACP (British Association for Counselling and psychotherapy). Many counsellors and mental health professionals offer remote counselling services now, such as telephone or video calls. Your GP is always a great option for referrals based on your needs. 

Cost

Cost of counselling ranges from €50 upwards, per session depending on individual counsellors fees. This can be a barrier for people in the current climate if they are experiencing financial stress or see counselling as a luxury. If someone is reluctant to experience counselling it can also give them a reason to avoid it. There are thankfully many free and low cost counselling services available in the area. Unfortunately, like many public services there are waiting lists but hopefully they are reducing all the time. Contact your GP or local family resources centres for further information on this.

Fear of Change 

Often people realise that going to counselling will involve shining a light on their lives especially around thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviours. T

his may seem very overwhelming or frightening for people especially if the person is suppressing  experiences from the past, the present or worries about the future.

Sometimes opening the box of emotions can be daunting and clients fear how they will manage that. This is where your counsellor will use their expertise to guide you in a safe space, at your own pace as to what you might need to explore or work on. Although change can be unsettling for many, it can also be good, its small steps with you in control on the path that you want to explore!

Finding the right counsellor for you

My advice is to always phone a counsellor rather than email or message them because you can hear their voice, ask questions, make a connection and reduce the fear or apprehension.

It’s ok to ask plenty of questions either before or during your counselling process. If you have been to counselling before and felt it was a negative experience or didn’t suit your needs it can be really helpful to share this with your present counsellor.

We are always learning  about the client in counselling and this will help you and your counsellor to work on the best fit for you. Every counsellor has their own style and I feel it’s very much a collaboration between the client and the counsellor to ensure you get the best outcome.

It’s also important to keep in mind that people are not always at counselling of their own choice. Often friends, family and work feel it would benefit them but the client is not ready to accept or embrace the counselling process.

It’s also advisable to go to counselling for an agreed period to ensure you can get the most out of it. Please try not to expect immediate change, things take time and don’t put yourself under pressure.

There is no right or wrong way to be in the counselling session. If you can be yourself in counselling that is amazing for the therapeutic process, however, that might take time and it might also take time to build a trust and connection with your counsellor. 

Retreating because of difficult feelings, not finding a good working alliance with the counsellor or not getting the results you want in a specific time should all be discussed with your counsellor. Planned endings of counselling are much better for a client in the long run rather than an abrupt ending. This is to ensure the client is in a safe space to manage anything that may have been opened in therapy. 

Confidentiality 

Counsellors work on the same principle as your GP with patient/doctor confidentiality.  There are limitations to confidentiality which your counsellor will go through with you at the first session.

If you use a local counsellor you may indeed see them out and about, that is something I discuss with clients at the first meeting to reassure them that I will, in no way, be doing or saying anything to acknowledge we are working together. That’s very important for clients to hear that in a small rural community. 

Dear Reader

Dear Reader - You are very important to many people whether you realize that or not but it is also so vital that you value yourself.

This is far from easy for people but you owe it to yourself to give yourself the best change in life and everyone in life needs help with things. Sometimes it’s very hard for people to ask for help  with anything, let alone their mental health.

It’s always great if you can reach out to friends, family, work colleagues, trusted people but sometimes it’s helpful to talk to someone that is a blank canvas and is trained to help, listen and support. Always remember you are the expert on your own life. You live it, you experience it and your feelings are important no matter what’s going on for you, you deserve only the best. 

All Good Wishes, 

Tracy x

Stay Safe. Your life is precious and if you feel at risk of harming yourself or ending your life please contact your GP, out of hours doctor or dial 999. Please see list of helpful numbers