It's Good To Talk: Navigating the emotional challenges of growing older

In a society that often celebrates youth and productivity older adults can experience a feeling of invisibility, being overlooked and often excluded.

This can impact mental health, self-esteem and overall well-being. It’s important as a society that we understand the emotional and psychological effects of age-related invisibility. In the context of aging - invisibility is the experience of being unseen, unheard or undervalued. Let’s talk about what this might look like for a person experiencing this in areas of their life.

In families 

Even in families where there is a lot of love people may still feel overlooked in respect of decision making where there is exclusion around important choices.

People can assume the individual is ‘out of touch’ or incapable and they may be bypassed in conversations or talked-over during gatherings.

Exclusion isn’t always intentional or done with malice, sometimes people simply don’t think. Often, it’s a result of family dynamics or habits that go unnoticed by everyone except the person feeling left out. With changes in family structures and more adult children living farther away, the role of a grandparent can sometimes become less visible or involved in the lives of their grandchildren.

Age is proof of strength, not weakness and do not let anyone knock you confidence just because you have lived longer and learned more

This can lead to feelings of loneliness, sadness or decreased self-worth.If you are experiencing these feelings in your family circle, what can you do about it? Start by acknowledging your emotions.

Talk to family members about your feelings and how situations impact you emotionally.

Family may not always be aware how their actions are affecting you so healthy conversations can be helpful and often healing. During gatherings or events assert your presence by engaging with your options, stories or even ask questions. Boundaries can also be important to protect your emotional well-being by being present in situations where you feel valued.

Loneliness and your community 

As children flee the nest or the work roles change or lessen you may have to adjust to a new way of life, in doing that, it can be helpful to create meaningful roles where you feel recognized and supported. Your community can play a vital part in supporting your well-being, reducing loneliness and adding meaning and comfort to your life. This can be done through social gatherings, groups, courses/classes or volunteering.

Loneliness can develop over time, especially as families move on, friends pass away, or relationships shift, all of which can become emotional hurdles. These changes can be painful and stressful, and they may impact both your emotional and physical health.

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That's why it's crucial not to keep feelings of loneliness, fear, or worry to yourself. Speak up and share them with someone you trust - whether it’s a friend, a family member or your GP. It’s okay, and often really helpful to give your GP a full picture of what’s going on in your life. It will help them help you.

Challenges with mental health are nothing to be ashamed of. Your brain is just another organ in your body that deserves the same attention as everything else.  

Anxiety 

Anxiety does not have an age preference but we do see it playing a larger part in people’s lives and mental health as roles, lifestyle, worries and the physical body changes with ageing. Unlike depression, which is more widely recognized in the aging population, anxiety often hides behind physical complaints, which may include insomnia, muscle aches, unexplained fatigue, or digestive issues.

The focus in people’s life shifts as they get older which may contribute to loss of self, purpose and identity. This can fuel anxiety or depression. Talking to other people in a similar situation can be helpful - there is great power and healing in knowing you are not alone.

Anxiety likes to focus on worrying about the future and often as people get older this may include fear or worry around your death or that of a partner or indeed a fear of becoming a burden on family as you age.

Worry on lack of independence associated with aging tends to play a large part in anxiety for more mature clients. It is also common as people age to take on the role of carer for their partner, which can place an intense sense of responsibility on the other person.

Self-care might take a back seat as a person solely focuses on supporting their loved one. Minding YOURSELF is a necessity, not a luxury and it can play a vital role in managing anxiety. Getting to know yourself and your body and mind is important at any age.

Allow yourself some self-compassion around what you are actually managing and juggling in your life. When you understand something you can manage it in a better way to support yourself. People often do not understand why they feel anxious or are struggling with things they once could have easily ‘got on with’.  I often describe it like a glass that eventually spills over.

Yes, it may have been the final drop that caused it to overflow, but it's important to remember all the water that was already in the glass,  gradually added over time, that led to that point.Let’s not underestimate the weight of the challenges and ‘things’ we all carry in life - for some, the load is much heavier than for others. If we avoid self-care or processing it can catch up with anyone regardless of age or stage of life. Minding your mind is a daily task so it’s important to break down some of the types of self-care that takes both body and mind into consideration. 

Physical self-care 

Move in ways that feel good such as walking, stretching, yoga or chair exercises. Notice your body as you do these things, producing hopefully a release of dopamine  (our feel good chemical) 

Rest and sleep. People can resist the idea that they need rest, often associating it with aging especially if they have been an 'on the go’ type of person. We all need rest and good sleep no matter what stage in life we are at. A regular routine for both will help memory and mood.

Food is for the brain too therefore eating well is vital for the body and mind. It might be too easy to get out of the habit of cooking or having balanced meals especially if your family lifestyle has changed. It may have gone from a busy meal time to cooking for just yourself but never forget how much you matter so you deserve to feed your body and mind well.

Emotional self-care

Expressing your feelings will help process life events and how you ‘feel’. Journaling can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and there are many different styles to choose from - it’s about finding the one that works best for you. Other creative outlets like painting, arts and crafts, or gardening are also worth exploring.

If there’s something you used to enjoy but have lost touch with, it’s often easier than you think to reconnect with it.

Stay open-minded and also be willing to try something new.Stress in life can be very unhelpful for both physical and mental health – relieve it with breathing techniques and mindfulness.

This can be done by incorporating nature into your well-being routine. It requires little time with something as simple as going into your garden or a field or the beach/woods and breathing, noticing things you normally overlook and giving your mind a chance to reset. Calming hobbies and a bit of self-compassion can really help. Even small periods of doing something just for you can make a big difference in how you feel.

Mental self-care

Keep learning. It’s beneficial for everyone and helps stimulate both the brain and your overall well-being. Reading, puzzles or trying new things will give your mind a rest from worries, stress and unhelpful thoughts as well as aiding your confidence in your abilities.

Limited overstimulation as too much news or screen time can raise anxiety. Negative news and negative people can drain your energy, so be mindful of how much time you spend on both.Celebrate achievements – small wins are important. Getting a shower, visiting a friend, finishing a book, decluttering or whatever it is should be acknowledged. Let’s embrace our steps forward! 

Lastly, I want to say that age is proof of strength, not weakness and do not let anyone knock you confidence just because you have lived longer and learned more.

Allow your confidence to grow with age not shrink. Remember everything you have done in life, trust yourself and know your worth and if you have not had the chance or opportunity in life to connect with yourself and know your true value then now might be the time. Your time! You deserve only the best, if you can give that to yourself it’s a true gift. 

All good wishes, today and everyday!

Tracy xx