Inspirational Donegal woman Marie Furey harnessing her grief to help others

A young Donegal woman is harnessing the grief of losing her partner in a road traffic collision in order to help others going through a similar experience.

Marie Furey of Mountcharles was already studying to be a counsellor with a focus on grief when she suffered the sudden and devastating loss of her partner, Jonathan (Jonny) Treanor. Jonny was just 28 years of age when a motorbike spin with friends turned into tragedy. Jonny died in a fatal crash at Rossnowlagh on April 18, 2022. A native of Scotstown, County Monaghan, he had been living with Marie in Mountcharles. 

Marie is now taking up a role as a counsellor in the organisation Road Victim Support Northern Ireland - Donegal which launches this week. The organisation is described as a new family-focused initiative dedicated to supporting those impacted by road traffic collisions.

“Jonny wasn’t the first tragedy I experienced,” said Marie. “I lost a close friend to a road traffic collision. Back then, there was no support. None of us got counselling. 

“My father lost two brothers over 30 years ago as well. I know how the aftermath of road traffic collisions impacts people.”

Donegal has one of the highest rates of road traffic deaths in the country, but there is little to no support for bereaved families and friends.

“When I lost Jonny, I had to go up to the North for support,” said Marie. “The Chair of our group was my counsellor. She always wanted to set up in Donegal. She asked me would I be interested in collaborating.”

Marie explains that the need for counselling and support can come at any time on the grief journey.

“In the weeks when it all happens, you are numb, you are in shock,” she said. “Nothing is processing.

“You have people around you but you still feel alone. The journey of grief is a lonely journey. 

“After the Month’s Mind and stuff the whole world moves on and you are stuck in the moment in time. It is when the whole world goes back to living, that is when it really hits. 

“Friends go on with their lives. You are there alone; you are in a world you don’t know. You have legal things to sort out, deadlines you don’t even know about, the inquest, all those things you really need support with in the aftermath of a road traffic death.”

While the Irish are known for celebrating the life of a deceased person with the wake and funeral, Marie says that changes very soon afterwards.

“You see people who never talk about death,” she said. “Although we are a culture that celebrates the life of people, there is that stigma and cultural attitude that you have to get up and move on, that you must just get on with it. There is not much awareness around grief and how the bereaved person feels.

“When I lost Jonny, people did mean the best, but they said things like, ‘You are young, you will find someone.’

“It is as if people expect you to just get up and get on with it. They don’t see what happens behind closed doors when you are sad and lonely and lying there crying.

“What I hope with this organisation and my part in it is that I would like people to know that there is support there. They see me and they see that I have gone through all that, and am there now helping others.”

After Jonny’s death, Marie considered leaving her counselling studies.

“But I pushed on and I got there in the end,” she said. “Jonny died a few weeks before I was doing an exam. I did my assignments and I got through it, even though the tears were running down my face.

“Being resilient and determined, I got through the rest of the course and qualified last June.”

Marie is continuing her studies, taking her qualification to the next level. 

And she has a new person in her life who is a big support to her.

“I have met somebody and started the next chapter,” she said. “He supports me through all the traumatic things and he is very understanding. 

“In those early days of grief you don’t want to go on. But when you are a young person, people expect you to move on. You can only do that with someone who understands that you still need to grieve.”

Marie continues to honour Jonny’s memory. He was a keen and talented motorcyclist, racing driver and pilot. Marie shares his passion for racing, and it remains a big part of her own life.

“I still do track racing in Jonny’s honour,” she said. “That is therapy to me as well.” 

Marie knows all too well that there is no straightforward timeline for grief and healing.

“Grief doesn’t go away, you learn to carry it with you through your life,” she said. 

“For me, I have harnessed my grief and I am putting it into something positive to help others in honour of Jonny and everybody that we have lost throughout our lives.”

As well as supporting the families of victims, the organisation will also have an educational element.

“Hopefully we will be going out into schools, helping to educate young people on road safety,” said Marie.

The Donegal launch takes place in the Silver Tassie Hotel on Thursday, March 27 at 7pm. The event will outline the organisation’s mission and service, hear from guest speakers and local representatives, share how support and advocacy will be provided, and provide a connection with the community and those affected by road traffic collisions.

The launch is open to everyone - survivors, families, first responders, community members, and anyone passionate about road safety and support services.

Jonny Treanor Memorial Day

A fitting charity event in memory of Jonny is taking place in April. It will be a celebration of Jonny’s passion for cars, bikes and aeroplanes, and will be an opportunity to those who knew and loved him through those pursuits to come together in his honour.

Jonny Treanor Memorial Day takes place on Easter Monday, April 21. Proceeds will go to Knockatallon Childcare Project, Road Victims Support Northern Ireland - Donegal, and the Craig Breen Foundation.

Activities on the day include a bike run; aeroplane fly-by; kids entertainment; and a rally car, vintage car and buggy display. There will also be afternoon tea and live music. 

Further details and registration information can be found on the Jonny Treanor Memorial Day Facebook event page.

For those who cannot attend but would like to support the fundraiser, donations can be made via the gofundme page.