It's Good To Talk: Back to school isn’t just for kids!

The summer has just flown in and we are only days away from the children returning to school. When my children were younger I was eager for their return from early July, such was the chaos of the summer holidays, thankfully as they are a bit older now, it’s a little bit easier.  I like the change of routine in the summer as there is a bit more flexibility and the added bonus of no homework! 

However, like most parents, by August, I am more than ready for everyone to head back to school, partly for the return of better sleep routines and a bit more daily structure.

Like many parents, summer involves juggling childcare, work, summer camps and endless play dates so going back to school can add some relief to the pressures of being a parent. 

On the flipside many parents also face going back to school anxiety, which no one really admits to. 

Let’s normalise it today and acknowledge that parenting is challenging and yes, as parents we can indeed experience many big emotions when our little or not so little ones go off to school or college. 

The emotional rollercoaster of back-to-school 

After endless requests for snacks and moans of being bored it can be a relief to wave kids off to school but alongside that there might be a mix of worry, guilt or even sadness. 

School can bring up a lot for parents and children.  Parents may worry that they are not doing enough to support their child with whatever struggles or emotions they are going through. There is also the worry of how the child will cope with changes, such as, new friends or change of teacher or class. 

‘Listen carefully, validate their worries, and remind them they’re not alone’

There is often sadness as you see them grow - it puts time into perspective of just how fast they are moving on and finding themselves in the world. It’s ok to feel many, at times, overwhelming  emotions as a parent. It's normal – however, how you soothe and support yourself both physically and emotionally during these times will make all the difference to your nervous system to ensure it is not overloaded. 

The pressure to be perfect

Let’s be clear - there are no perfect parents, parenting is not always easy and it’s helpful to be real with each other and admit we do not have it together all of the time during navigating life. 

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Acknowledging this is important in reducing the pressure you might be putting on yourself.  Fear of judgment can drive pressure and being a contented parent is very much found by being in your own lane. Comparing yourself to what other parents claim they do can be misleading, as that may not always be accurate and every family's situation is different, so making such comparisons can be quite unfair on yourself. Reframe thinking to, “perfection isn't the goal - connection might be”

Self-care for parents 

It’s very common for parents to experience guilt in taking time for themselves either for rest, hobbies, couple time or basics like personal welfare needs. 

As parents we can teach children to mimic our behavior by showing them the importance of self-care and putting yourself of equal importance in the family. Be the role model your children need as future parents by showing them that caring for your physical and mental health isn’t just about the occasional night out or weekend getaway, it’s a daily commitment. Keeping your well-being tank filled helps you become a healthier, happier parent. 

This practice is an act of self-love that benefits your whole family. And if you ever struggle to do it for yourself, remember the powerful impact it can have when your child learns to mirror your self-care habits. It’s truly a win-win!

Self-care doesn’t always require large blocks of time - even five or ten minutes here and there can make a big difference. Short bursts of self-care are often more manageable and easier to maintain than waiting for long stretches of free time. 

That said, if you can take both small moments and bigger breaks, even better! For instance, could you arrive at the school gate a few minutes early to breathe and check-in with yourself? 

Or enjoy a coffee break in the garden after helping with homework or as a little chill out time after dinner? Try to build the habit of asking yourself questions like, “Does this really need to be done right now?” or “Is there a less stressful time to tackle this?” and, “Can I get more help here?” 

Remember, asking for and accepting help is also a form of self-care that supports both your mental and physical well-being.

Managing the household transition 

It’s important to acknowledge the transition period of back to school is just an adjustment stage not a forever state.

It takes time to get back in the swing of things not just for children but for parents too so be realistic with what you are asking of yourself and the children. 

This might mean letting go of perfectionism or lowering your expectations for a little while. Keep in mind that parents are learners too, with every day offering new lessons in parenting. 

Hold onto that thought when you’re aiming for spotless faces, hassle-free homework, and a complaint-free home (note to self!)  because it’s okay if those goals aren’t always met.

To help you transition it will be helpful to not overload your calendar with things to do and places to be. Ease yourself in and find your rhythm first. 

Don’t be afraid to vent with other parents, knowing other people are in the same boat can be helpful. Think about all the parenting sketches on social media that make us laugh because we see ourselves in them. They remind us that we’re not alone in dealing with the chaos and stress of parenting challenges. 

Everyone will be tired for the first few weeks as we adapt to the change in bed and rise times, the shortening of the evenings and change in structure - so plan for rest and take it easy when you can. Prioritize downtime and resetting over other things in the house that can wait. When everyone is less tired things are easier all around!

Letting go of worry 

It’s ok and perfectly normal to worry about your little or not so little ones as they return to all types of education. We should however, look out for worry spirals which are worries that go in a loop of “what if”, “what if”. 

Catch the worry before it gets bigger with additional negative thoughts, dispute your thoughts - as not all of them will be true and remind yourself of your resilience in dealing with other, similar things in life. Often what worries us might never actually come to fruition. 

Supporting your nervous system during a time of worry is extremely beneficial and that focus could be put on getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, getting out in nature, connection with your support network and getting stuck into whatever type of exercise you enjoy. 

Breathing and mindfulness are always wonderful and can be tied in with something as simple as making yourself a cup of tea but in a mindful state of what you are doing. 

This involves hearing the water going in the kettle, focusing on it boiling, seeing it being poured in the cup, slowing down and focusing on each stage of the preparation then tasting and savoring it while doing absolutely nothing else. 

I firmly believe in minding yourself everyday with some small but powerful reset techniques that are easily incorporated into daily life habits. 

Talk to your child, talk to each other

Preparing for back-to-school can feel overwhelming so taking time to check-in with yourself and acknowledge how you’re really feeling is time well spent. 

Talking things through often helps, whether that’s sitting down with your parenting partner or reaching out to a friend if you’re doing this solo. Having someone to listen to can make a big difference, and sharing the load can ease the pressure. Transition times with children can be stressful, so embrace their mantra -  “sharing is caring.” Spending time as a family, with focus on the children’s feelings around going back to school. Listen carefully, validate their worries, and remind them they’re not alone. Before you know it, they’ll be settled in, Christmas will be on the horizon, and another school year will have flown by - the circle of life keeps turning. Let’s do our best to make this transition as smooth and enjoyable as possible for everyone!Special good luck wishes to all those children and young adults on their first day in primary, secondary school or college and also to the parents and guardians playing the supporting role. May all your experiences be as wonderful as you all are!

All good wishes, 

Tracy xx