It's Good to Talk: When the clocks go back, why does everything feel a little heavier?

The clocks have gone back, the evenings are darker, and suddenly it feels as though the day is over before we have even had a chance to catch our breath.For some, the changing season brings a welcome opportunity to slow down but for others, it seems to make everything feel just that wee bit harder. Have you ever had one of those days when even the smallest things feel like too much?

Getting out of bed, answering a message, making dinner, putting on a wash or making a phone call. Nothing particularly major has happened but somehow everything feels like a big effort.

You might still be getting up, going to work, looking after the family and meeting responsibilities.

From the outside life looks much the same but inside, something feels heavier. As November arrives and the mornings are darker and the evenings shorter, the temptation to retreat indoors can feel much stronger. For some, this is just an adjustment to the changing season but for others, it can bring an underlying emotional tiredness into sharper focus.

Maybe actually we need to look beyond the weather. Sometimes what we describe as laziness is actually exhaustion. Sometimes what looks like a lack of motivation is the result of carrying too much for too long.

We can spend so much time looking after everyone else that we have very little left for ourselves. We live in a culture that places enormous value on being busy, productive and constantly available. We celebrate people who manage everything and keep all the plates spinning but we rarely ask what that constant effort is costing them.

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Emotional exhaustion doesn’t always arrive with a dramatic breakdown. Often, it creeps in quietly. It might look like you are becoming unusually irritable, withdrawing from friends, putting off simple tasks, feeling overwhelmed by decisions or finding that things you once enjoyed no longer bring joy.

You might find yourself craving solitude but feeling lonely when you get it. You might want to make plans but feel relieved when they are cancelled or feel guilty for wanting to do nothing, even when your mind and body are telling you that you need a break.

One reason we become emotionally exhausted is the sheer volume of things we carry mentally. There are the obvious responsibilities like work, parenting, household jobs, finances and family commitments. But there is also the invisible load of remembering birthdays, anticipating other people’s needs, worrying about family members as well as being the person everyone turns to when something goes wrong.

Much of this work goes unnoticed, but it takes up emotional space and we can become so focused on what everyone else needs that we lose touch with what we need ourselves.

Why winter can magnify what we have been pushing aside

There is something about the changing seasons that can bring our emotional world into sharper focus. During the busier months, we can become very good at keeping ourselves occupied. Busyness can become a distraction, sometimes without us even realising it. We tell ourselves we will deal with that difficult relationship another time, think about that disappointment when things settle down or address the sadness when we have a little more headspace. But feelings don’t necessarily disappear just because we do not give them our attention.

As winter approaches, social activities can reduce and we naturally spend more time indoors. The distractions that helped us keep going may become less available. In those quieter moments, thoughts and feelings that have been sitting in the background can become harder to ignore. Sometimes the quiet can feel uncomfortable because it leaves us alone with thoughts we have been trying not to have. Winter doesn’t necessarily create these feelings, it simply makes them harder to outrun. Keeping busy isn’t unhealthy because routine, activity and social connection can be protective for our mental health, however, when busyness becomes the only way of coping you can lose opportunities to recognise what you need emotionally.

The guilt of slowing down

For many people, resting is surprisingly difficult. We can sit down for ten minutes and immediately start thinking about everything we should be doing. We feel guilty for leaving the washing, declining an invitation or taking time for ourselves when there are people who need us.

Somewhere along the way, we may have started measuring our worth by how much we do for others. If we are not being productive, are we being useful? If we say no, are we letting someone down? Constantly pushing ourselves does not make us more valuable. Resting is not something we should have to earn by reaching exhaustion first.

A few ways to make things feel a little lighter

When everything feels like an effort, the answer isn’t necessarily to overhaul our lives or introduce another complicated routine. Often, small, manageable changes make the biggest difference.

1. Lower the bar

Give yourself permission to do less. Not every meal needs to be elaborate, not every room needs to be tidy and not every invitation needs to be accepted. Ask yourself - what actually needs to be done today, and what can wait?

2. Get outside, even briefly

It can be tempting to spend the entire day indoors when the weather is miserable. Getting outside during daylight, even for 10 or 15 minutes, can help support our mood, sleep and sense of routine.

3. Stop carrying everything in your head

When we feel overwhelmed, even small tasks become mentally exhausting. Write things down rather than trying to remember everything. Separate what needs your attention today from what can wait. You do not need to solve every problem at once.

4. Stay connected

When our energy is low, withdrawing can feel like the easiest option. But isolation can make hard feelings heavier. You do not need a big social occasion. A phone call, a text or a quiet coffee with someone you trust can help you feel less alone.

5. Notice your self-talk

We can be remarkably unkind to ourselves when we are not functioning at our usual pace. Instead of thinking, “I’m so lazy, I should be doing more”, try asking, “What might I need right now?” Replacing self-criticism with curiosity can change how we respond to ourselves.

6. Give yourself something to look forward to

Winter doesn’t have to become a long stretch of waiting for brighter days. Find small things that bring comfort or enjoyment, like a favourite programme, a book, a hobby or meeting a friend. These moments do not have to be productive to be worthwhile!

It is important not to dismiss persistent changes in mood or energy as “just” the winter blues. If low mood, loss of interest, anxiety, sleep difficulties or exhaustion persist or begin to interfere with everyday life, speak with your GP or a mental health professional. Seasonal affective disorder is a recognised form of depression associated with seasonal changes, and support is available.

Maybe this winter, we need to change the question

Instead of asking ourselves how we can do more, achieve more or fit more into our already busy lives, maybe we could ask what we can put down. There will always be something else to do, someone else to help and another responsibility waiting around the corner. Life rarely becomes completely manageable before we give ourselves permission to pause. Sometimes we mistake exhaustion for failure, when in reality it is a signal that something needs our attention.

Sometimes the most important thing we can do is stop, take a breath and acknowledge that things have been a little harder than we have let on. Not every season asks us to grow, achieve or thrive. Sometimes it just asks us to slow down, take care of ourselves and recognise that we are human too. Remember, you matter!

All good wishes,

Tracy x

Counselling available in person from Serenity House, Moville, F93 Y138 or remotely via zoom/telephone 086 3891917 email:[email protected] - Facebook/instagram @tracymckeaguecounselling