It Occurs To Me: Funny old games - at Croke Park and in Berlin

The man beside me hadn’t missed an All-Ireland Final in nearly fifty years. He was from Valentia Island, knew his football and was a friend of the legendary Kerry midfielder Mick O’Connell. “Mick is 88” he told me, “and is still a fine handsome imposing man.” As for the previous day’s encounter with Armagh, he said “Kerry beat themselves!”

After the match, he was chatting to an Armagh supporter and said to him: “I don’t mind being beaten by you, but if it was Tyrone, I’d be sick for a week!”

The Armagh man responded: “If we were beaten by Tyrone, I’d be sick for a year!” As regards Donegal, he mused: “Taking off McBrearty will cost you…you need your scorers when it’s tight.” In any event, like many of you, I was disappointed but not despairing…look where we were a year ago.

It’s taken Kieran McGeeney 10 years to get to a final as manager, so, with regard to Jimmy Mc’s project, - to quote my late grandmother - “Patience and perseverance brought a snail to Jerusalem!”

Meanwhile, in Berlin, the BBC’s Gary Lineker looked like a man who had been keeping his Christmas present closed for weeks, hoping to really enjoy the big surprise, only to open it and find that the box was empty, and he was only left with the red George’s cross on the wrapping paper. On ITV, Mark Pougatch looked terrified that Roy Keane might go against the grain of English punditry, and actually be bluntly honest. He wasn’t (was?) disappointed…Roy basically told them to take their medicine! Funny old game!

DEAR DAITHí

It’s been a while since I featured Dáithí Ó Sé, the Irish Examiner's Agony Uncle. As I said before, he’s my favourite comedian of them all…even though he’s been serious (I think?)..

Last Monday, a poor woman wrote: “Dear Dáithí: Help — my boyfriend's GAA obsession is wearing me down. I’ve started a relationship with a lovely guy I met online. He seems to be ticking all my boxes — he’s the right age, he doesn’t live at home with his mother, and he hasn’t ghosted me. The problem is he is obsessed with GAA. Daithí replied:

"Outside of this man’s GAA fetish, he really seems to have a lot going for him and as you say he ticks all the boxes: right age; doesn’t live with his mother, and hasn’t ghosted you. You poor créatur, you’ve hit the jackpot without realising it. It’s amazing, sometimes when things are going so well in your life you try and find the negatives." That got me wondering what a GAA fetish is.

I’m sometimes to be found wandering about with my 1992 retro Magee tailored top and what's left of my ould Cusack Stand ticket…is that a fetish? Or am I morphing into Joe Biden?

WELCOME HOME, HEIMAR!

Many people were left scratching their heads when they heard that the new Irish soccer boss was Heimir Hallgrimsson. What they don’t know is that he has pure Teelin blood coursing through his cold Icelandic veins. It’s been a few years since my old friend, the late historian Joe ‘Golly’ Gallagher furnished me with some fascinating information about the bronze plaque on the remains of the ancient Teelin Church which reads: “I gcuimhne mhanaigh Theilinn a sheol go dtí an Íoslann sa 5ú aois - In memory of the Teelin monks who sailed to Iceland in the 5th Century".

It is also written in Icelandic. In 1947, a renowned scholar, Prof. Einar Ólafur Sveinsson travelled to Teelin and later penned a book, “Impressions of Ireland” in which he remembered the early pioneering monks. That book was reissued in all three languages in 2005 by Éanna Ó Cuinneagáin from Carrick who ran the unique Cathach Books in Duke Street in Dublin. The two boatloads of monks left the monastery at Rinn na Cille (where Joe was from) in Teelin, very early in the 5th century, sailing in boats made of hide The Halgrimsson name derives from the Old Norse “Hallgrímr,” composed of: “hallr”, a flat stone or rock and “grímr,” meaning “mask or helmet”, or a person wearing same. Originally, that mask was a monk’s cowl…and sure it’s ‘wile cowl’ in Iceland!

SAMMY AND BAREFACED CHEEK!
Remember Sammy Wilson of the Declining Unionist Party telling RTE in 2020?: “I believe at present that Trump is the best choice, not just for the people in America, but would also be a good choice for Britain - don't forget he supports Brexit [and] is wishing to do a trade deal with Britain, which would be advantageous to Britain and to Northern Ireland." N

ow, the bould Sammy has declared that Donald Trump showed the spirit of “No surrender” when he raised a defiant fist after the assassination attempt. God spare us. In the recent election in East Antrim Sammy was down some 4,500 votes from 2019 and only beat the Alliance candidate by 1300.

In 1999, when he had a set to with Education Minister Martin McGuinness in an Assembly debate, McGuinness retorted that he was glad to see Wee Sammy “...this time with his clothes on''.

This was a few years after the Sunday World published nude photos of Sammy over seven pages, causing Ian Paisley Snr. to thunder that “the photographs were published through the “unhealthy combination of a gutter newspaper and a thief” and "What a man does in his private life, whether I agree with it or not, is a matter entirely for himself and his final accountability to his maker, as long as it does not militate against standards of public decency or views he promotes in his public life",

In 2016, Sammy told Stephen Nolan on BBC NI that women who wanted to breastfeed in the House of Commons were "exhibitionists" saying the practice should be done in private as it would attract voyeurs. One subsequent headline read:” Has Sammy Wilson been left more red cheeked than usual?” My vivid memory of him was back in 2009 when he was NI Environment Minister, standing at the Giant's Causeway delivering a 10-minute rant about climate change. He sneered at the idea that carbon dioxide emissions caused global warming, and preached that governments shouldn't spend trillions trying to reduce the world's temperature until they’re sure what's causing it to rise. Sammy’s been rising it for years!

A PROUD SURNAME DISGRACED!
On the subject of Donald Trump, he’s probably a shoo-in for the White House now, with his iconic bloody face and clenched fist in front of the US flag. The conspiracy theorists didn’t take long to emerge after the shooting. Rep. Mike Collins of Georgia says President Biden “sent the orders” to try to assassinate former Trump, adding “The Republican District Attorney in Butler County, PA, should immediately file charges against Joseph R. Biden for inciting an assassination, and claimed that God protected Trump: “God spared Ronald Reagan for a reason. God spared Donald Trump for a reason, God doesn’t miss.”

What a disgusting distortion of the Christian ethos! After a migrant in New York City was released from jail without bail in February 2024 after allegedly attacking a police officer; Collins suggested the migrant be executed. He further stated on X that the migrant should be given "a ticket on Pinochet Air for a free helicopter ride back.”, referencing the Chilean government's killing of dissidents on death flights carried out during the rule of Augusto Pinochet.

The migrant Collins had suggested be executed was later cleared of wrongdoing after the Manhattan District Attorney's office announced he had been misidentified. In May 2024, following reports that presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. once said that a parasitic worm had been found in his brain, Collins posted on X, "You either die a Kennedy with a hole in the brain or live long enough to become a Kennedy with a hole in the brain", referring to the assassinations of Kennedy's father and uncle. This guy is an elected public representative!

Back in 1988, in the United States vice presidential debate, Republican Senator Dan Quayle made a comparison of his experience in Congress to that of John F. Kennedy. Democratic nominee Senator Lloyd Bentsen responded by saying: “Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy!!”
Well, Mike Collins of Georgia…you’re no Michael Collins!

THE THIN BLUE LINE
While I’m on the subject of fascists, did you see the thugs and ne’er do wells attacking Gardai with bricks and fireworks in Coolock? When the riot squad charged them, the cowards ran like scalded cats. No doubt GSOC will be investigating why our uniformed protectors had the gall to defend themselves! God save Ireland, said the heroes.