Fr John Joe Duffy reveals tragedy helped him through a traumatic week

Creeslough curate Fr John Joe Duffy has used the experience of his own personal trauma following the tragic drowning of his father 21 years ago to comfort the bereaved and injured in the village.

Speaking at Mass in St Michael's Church on Sunday Fr Duffy appealed to everyone to avail of the professional counselling services that had been provided to help the community cope with the trauma that they had experienced following the tragedy on Friday, October 7.

He also urged locals to ensure the perishable food that was donated to help the community in the absence of a shop is used.

In a moving and at times emotional homily Fr Duffy said he wanted to share a part of his own life that he said he “ordinarily would not share”, something that happened 21 years ago.

“My dad drowned, he was 51 years of age. I was the eldest of eight and the youngest was four in my family.

“I was 27. I was very blessed to be going through Maynooth College at that time where we had to go for counselling twice a week and use counselling ourselves in order to help us in our own development. I was very lucky to have that service made available to me when I went back to college.

Nasty

“One of the first things I said to the counsellor was how I noticed that after my own father's death, I was very nasty towards my mother, every word she said I turned it in her mouth. When she would say something, I would say the opposite. I was hitting out in those moments at the person who cared for me, who loved me and who I loved most of all. That can be very true, it can happen to any one of us in that we react in ways that we know not in a time of great grief, in a time of trauma, like what we are experiencing now as a family. I say this to you because I consider you also my family and I wanted to share that with you."

He added when he went back to Maynooth he thought nobody really cared because everybody was getting on with their own lives.

“Everyone was doing the normal things, I thought nobody understood of what I personally was feeling, that pain within me. It was so very important for me to be able to discuss that with a counsellor. If you had asked me if I needed counselling I'd have said not at all, are you mad? I don't really need counselling, but I certainly did. When we think we don't need something that is the moment that we truly need it.

"We can feel overwhelmed, we can feel that nobody understands us, no one is caring about what is happening to us. We may have concerns about others, about family members, about loved ones which I'm sure you have to have because I certainly have at this moment in time in this community so let us help one another but in order to help one another we may need and I do believe we do need to have those talks with family and friends but also to make use of those professional services."

He added he had a traumatic situation in different parishes but none like this. He recalled going to a trauma counsellor and after a chat and a cup of tea, they direct you to the questions you are not asking of yourself and help you to see things for yourself.

"It's like me and you talking, but the counsellor has the expertise to help us. For many of us in this tragedy that we are experiencing at this moment, it may not be about this tragedy at all that our trauma is coming. It could be something from a tragedy that happened in our lives or to a member of our family or friend 20, 30 or five years ago and that's what is maybe affecting us at this time."

Great hope

Fr Duffy said he was also experiencing great hope this week.

"Many people who have contacted me this week are people who have been through tragedy, who have experienced loss and those messages coming from people that I have walked with and whom I have learned a lot from, are messages of great comfort."

He appealed once again to everyone to avail of the services in order so that they could be that strong to be able to help one another.