It Occurs To Me: A lighthearted look back at 2025: Part 2

A Trump Limerick

Donald Trump has inspired Frank Galligan to write a Limerick

The nearest Trump has ever been to Limerick is Shannon Airport…on his way to his Doonbeg resort in Clare. 

However, inspired by the ridiculous and insulting photo of him dressed in papal garb last year, I was inspired to write a real ‘Limerick’.

 ‘There was a buck eejit called Trump, Whose brain was attached to his rump, He thought he was Pope, the big Orange dope, But the Conclave all laughed, “What a chum!”

Beans and ‘toast’

When Jacob Rees-Smug lost his Tory seat,  beside him stood the Baked Bean Balaclava man, aka “Barmy Brunch” Adams, a schoolteacher, radio presenter, and Monster Raving Loony Party candidate for North East Somerset and Hanham.

Barmy stood on a platform of introducing a “statutory brunch hour,” and received 211 votes. If I were a constituent, he would have received 212. In any event, one Democrat reader was offended by my changing of Rees-Mogg to Rees-Smug. “You're very hard on him”, says she, “after all, he’s a Catholic!”

“So was Hitler”, I reminded her…that was the end of that conversation. (Interestingly, Hitler was raised as a Catholic, but came to despise the religion.

Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels led the persecution of Catholic clergy in Germany, while Heinrich Himmler and Reinhard Heydrich, heads of SS and Gestapo, were vehemently anti-Catholic.) Meanwhile, back at the North East Somerset count, in ‘Heinz sight’ it’s only fair to say that the lady’s beloved Jacob Rees-Mogg can now be described as a ‘Has Bean’, and in political terms, he’s ‘toast’.

Please God in the future, we won’t have to hear or see the ridiculous pin-striped representative of the ‘Arse-O-Crockery’ who gloated at “... an opportunity to send all of the illegal migrants in the UK to facilities near the Irish border.

If it just so happens that they then end up crossing the border, which according to the Belfast agreement, must remain open and indeed, our departure from the European Union agreement, so be it.

READ NEXT: Donegal Donkey Sanctuary launches Christmas treats appeal for Baby Rose and friends

"There will be no migrants coming to the UK from Ireland and there's no need to stop them going there. Perhaps a maverick viewer may want to set up a charity to help pay the transport costs of illegal migrants who have got in over the channel, to send them to Southern Ireland. I believe it is a very pleasant place to be at this time of year.”

Sure, come over for a wee run, Jake…we have 2,646 Catholic churches in Ireland…I’ll give you a tour of the 64 in Raphoe Diocese, and won’t charge a penny. After all, I was raised a good Christian.

A wee song for the other wee county

Last year, I put this song up on Facebook and I had a great response. A number of people asked about the lyrics, so here they are: (Remember the Louth bus getting lost)

We're on the one road sharing the one load

We're on the road to God knows where

We're on the one road

It may be the wrong road

But we're together now, who cares?

Louth men, Louth men, comrades all

Tryin’ to get our wee bus up to Donegal

We're on the one road, swingin' along

But it’s all gone wrong!

Though we won the Leinster fair and square

Now is the time to travel way up there,

A Wee run westwards in a red convoy.

And a one night stay in Enniskillen, boys,

We're on the one road sharing the one load

We're on the road to God knows where

We're on the one road

It may be the wrong road

But we're together now, who cares?

Louth men, Louth men, comrades all

Tryin’ to get our wee bus up to Donegal

We're on the one road, swingin' along

But it’s all gone wrong!

The full back says, ‘Ben Bulben is a sight’, The keeper says, ‘there’s something not quite right!’

The midfield chorus…together, one and all.

‘We didn’t know Drumcliffe was in dear old Donegal!’

We're on the one road sharing the one load

We're on the road to God knows where

We're on the one road

It may be the wrong road

But we're together now, who cares?

Louth men, Louth men, comrades all

Tryin’ to get our wee bus up to Donegal

We're on the one road, swingin' along

But we’ve all gone wrong!

The driver says, ‘this satnav has a leak’

‘I thought it said,

‘Just head up through Belleek’

‘Ah thanks be to God - the forwards are all roarin’

There’s a sign up ahead -

You’re Welcome to Bundoran!’

 We're on the one road sharing the one load

We're on the road to God knows where

We're on the one road

It may be the wrong road

But we're together now, who cares?

Louth men, Louth men, comrades all

Tryin’ to get our Wee bus up to Donegal

We're on the one road, swingin' along

But we’ve all gone wrong!

Sam Mulroy is not near Mulroy Bay,

And Sam Maguire is very far away,

I think we’ll go back by another scenic route,

On bicycles or scooters or maybe just on foot!

We're on the one road sharing the one load

We're on the road to God knows where

We're on the one road

It may be the wrong road

But we're together now, who cares?

Louth men, Louth men, comrades all

Tryin’ to get our

Wee bus up to Donegal

We're on the one road, swingin' along

But we’ve all gone wrong!

Never the twain shall meet

I read somewhere that only a third of Americans have passports.

I was reminded of Mark Twain’s prophetic observations: “God invented war so that Americans could learn Geography” and “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.

”I loved Twain as a youngster and some years ago, at a retirement party for a teacher friend, he told the lovely story of the wee boy who was asked to name an American superhero. 

“Huckleberry Finn MacCumhaill” he responded without hesitation.Yes, it does have a ring to it and it beats hands down the answer given by one pupil to the question - “Who wrote Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn?”

Answer: “Shania Twain!”Mmmm? To quote Shania - “That Don’t Impress Me Much”.

The feed before the frenzy

The two old guys at The Maples in Iona Road in Glasnevin were wearing Donegal Creamery DL tops over their shirts and tucked into their high belted trousers.

“Jesus lads” says I, “you’ll be roasting out there today!” 

One of them laughed: “Sure it's the roast we’re headin’ to! The Carvery here is some packin’”.

Right enough, whatever about our highly trained and disciplined footballers, pre-match training for supporters is very demanding indeed!

Spreading the love

The lady from Eastern Europe had little or no English. I was standing outside The Abbey Hotel in Donegal Town waiting for the Derry Bus, when she approached me, smiled, and showed me her mobile phone. It simply read “293…Carrick…I love you!”

Ah, says I, she’s looking for the Glen bus and her translator has converted ‘Thank You’ to an expression of profound endearment. Anyway, I ensured she got on board to which she responded “You are magnificent, I love you”. Being an ould softie, I reciprocated… “I love you too!”

I hope she had a wonderful time ‘In Through’, and that certain bucks didn’t get too over-excited when her ‘phone advised them that they were the object of her undying and eternal affections.As for the Derry Bus…in fairness, it was only 20 minutes late arriving from Sligo, so I lived in hope.

Those hopes were dashed when we sat in those infernal roadworks between Listillion and The Dry Arch for some 15 minutes. 

That, coupled with the usual nightmare between the Clanree Hotel and The Polestar Roundabout, ensured an additional 35/40 mins delay by the time we landed at the depot.

Then, as if Basil Fawlty was in charge for the day, we were told that the bus had a flat tyre, and we had to change over. A so-called service that was supposed to land in Derry at 11.10 eventually made it at 12.05 pm.

“Bus Éireann…you are not magnificent…I don’t love you!

”May I wish all my readers a Happy New Year…and more importantly, a peaceful one.